How to Get Relief from Distressing Thoughts
Laying on the attic floor of a sober living facility (because she felt too worthless to sleep in the bed), Byron Katie noticed her unexamined thoughts were at the root of all her suffering. Out of this realization, Katie developed an approach she calls “The Work.” The Work consists of several simple questions to help us unravel the thinking and stories that trap us in suffering.
Step 1: Notice a thought that is causing distress
Katie suggests starting with judgments about others. Such as, “My wife should be more affectionate with me,” or “My kids should listen to me more often.”
Step 2: Ask yourself the following four questions:
Is this thought true?
Can I be absolutely certain this thought is true?
How do I react when I believe this thought?
Who would I be without this thought?
Even if you answer “yes” to questions #1 & #2, still proceed to question #3. You are not being asked to change your thought or drop your thought. The purpose is to simply just inquire and see what arises. Katie suggests that you do not try to find the answer to these questions, but allow the answer to meet the question. Pause, listen, and notice what arises.
Step 3: Turnaround the thought
In this final step, identify the opposites of your thought and look for evidence that supports the turnarounds. For example, “My wife should be more affectionate with me,” has the turnarounds: I should be more affectionate with my wife, I should be more affectionate with myself, and my wife shouldn’t be more affectionate with me.
